I’m sitting in my favorite chair in the family room, bursting with love as I nurse my four day old baby girl. Murphy, my nine-year old Maltese, is at my feet— her back to me, nose in the air, and ears dropped. She’s ignoring me. Her head is tilted in such a way that she can peer at me from the corner of her eye to make sure I see her ignoring me. Trust me, I see her.
When baby and I sit on the couch, Murphy perches herself atop the back cushions, again facing away from me, pretending not to repeatedly hit me in the head with her tail. Clearly she is upset and she has every right to be.
For six years it was us against the world. We were Mutt and Jeff (or Mutt and Jane, rather) and we were inseparable. It was bad enough when I introduced my now husband, but at the time a mere dalliance, into the mix. Murphy responded by throwing herself into his arms or lounging triumphantly in his lap while he massaged her absentmindedly during must-see TV. All the while she’d glare at me with disdain, conveniently forgetting that it was she who was sleeping with the enemy.
The arrival of four-day old Sweet-Pea was apparently too much to bear. Murphy moped around the house, refused to eat (at least when anyone was looking), and threw up on the teeny weenie t-shirt the baby wore just following her birth that I insisted my husband bring home and place in Murphy’s bed. Oh yeah, she stopped sleeping in her bed.
We did everything (or so we thought) to prepare Murphy for the new upcoming arrival before she actually arrived. It wasn’t until a year later, when Sweet-Pea began dropping bits of chicken and hamburger onto the floor from her highchair perch that Murphy made peace with the newest member of our household. As Murphy gobbled up the riches it seemed to occur to her that she might have judged Sweet-Pea too harshly.
Little did I know that my paltry attempt to ready Murphy for the baby’s arrival was too little too late. The relief I felt when they seemed to reach an unspoken truce was also misguided. Allowing Murphy to indulge in Sweet-Pea’s far-flung food and encroach on her “food zone,” merely taught Murphy to look to the baby for food, a situation that has to be rectified before the dog goes to take a tasty treat out of Sweet-Pea’s hand and takes her hand instead.
According to Mike Wombacher’s book, There’s a Baby in the House! Preparing Your Dog for the Arrival of Your Child, we should have begun changing the dynamics in our house long before baby’s arrival. Considering the fact that Murphy was hardly a sterling example of canine obedience to begin with, we probably should have started dealing with the situation before dinner and a movie turned into a baby.
Murphy is typically high-strung. She has long suffered from separation anxiety and other irrational fears. Her life is essentially eating (but only if we’re home), sleeping, and shaking. Wombacher’s book shed some serious light on my dog training transgressions. “Effective leadership is the foundation of the resolution not only of…behavior problems…but the seamless introduction of a new child to your pack.” It made so much sense. Dogs are pack animals; they need a pecking order, they seed a leader. Truth be told, I’ve been a fair weather leader. If she wasn t peeing on the carpet, I wasn’t leading. If she ate my favorite shoes, I decided it was time to lead. Most of the time l left the “leading” up to her.
I indulged Murphy as a puppy because with her floppy ears, huge black eyes, and little pink tongue she looked like a Muppet. I never enforced enough structure in her life. Her days are still predictably unpredictable and as such, she has no feeling of security or safety (hence the shaking). Murphy’s role as leader, then follower, has changed so often that she is unclear of her position in our “pack.” The addition of a baby only added to her confusion as it further changed the rules of our already mish-mashed pack structure.
In order to initiate baby-related changes that will affect your dog’s day-to-day existence, you must first be the “leader of the pack.” Then, it will be significantly easier to ease your dog into the reality of what’s to come, since your dog will now be confident that in times of duress, she can look to you for the guidance that will put her mind at ease.
The key to executing all baby-related changes is to slowly implement modifications to the dog’s routine early in your pregnancy so your dog doesn’t make the connection between the new routine and the new arrival. These changes should include special time each day to lavish attention on your pet. Five to ten minutes is all it takes. Once baby is home, you should do this in front of baby so Doggie knows that her new “sibling” doesn’t mean that she’s in the doghouse!
“Any dog…will realize that it is not getting the same amount of attention,” says Karen L. Overall, author of Clinical Behavioral Medicine for Small Animals. It will be crystal-clear to your dog that it has been “on the outs,” ever since you-know-who came home. If done correctly, a gradual shift in your dog’s routine should assuage any feelings of jealousy or resentment on the part of your pooch. Try to make sure all changes are as close as possible to the ones you expect to occur once baby comes home.
Wombacher suggests creating zones in your house that the dog is forbidden to enter without your permission. The baby’s room, the room or area in which you plan to nurse, the space around the highchair, and the baby herself are all zones that should be standard in every household. Your dog should know, without exception or hesitation, that when she enters these zones, she can only do so with your permission, and certain rules of behavior apply. These zones establish a buffer of safety and respect between baby and dog that result in positive associations with each. Creating and systematically reinforcing these zones instills proper behavior that will be par-for-the-course when baby makes her debut.
Never let your dog (no matter how small or friendly) into baby’s eating zone once baby is using a highchair. Dogs cannot distinguish between a baby accidentally dropping food from a highchair, and intentionally feeding them (Oops!). The dog will immediately feel a sense of entitlement to the baby’s food. After all, this “thing” is obviously a lower-ranking pack member.
This is where I went horribly astray, opting to use Murphy as a vacuum instead of halting such irresponsible and potentially dangerous behavior in its tracks. At the time, I was just so grateful for the unexpected peace treaty between them, that I didn’t see the possibility of grim repercussions.
The time to alter unsavory behaviors and habits is before baby is born. If your dog is accustomed, as Murphy was, to sprawling on the couch for a little R&R and that concerns you, immediately start training her to do otherwise. If Doggie jumps on you every time you walk through the door, you must teach her to stop. It would be a disaster to have your dog’s friendly greeting cause injury to your precious infant!
Overall’s book has received high praise from vets, behaviorists, and dog owners alike. She offers an 11-step approach to introducing a new baby and a pet. First and foremost, “no animal should be left alone unsupervised with an infant for any reason,” she warns. Surprisingly, it isn’t because animals have a propensity to be aggressive towards infants, but because “no infant would be capable of pushing an animal away if that animal cuddles up to him either for love or heat.”
According to Overall, the more you include your dog in activities with the baby, the better their relationship will be. Both Wombacher and Overall agree that dog toys that look like baby toys (i.e. stuffed animals) are going to prove problematic unless you either teach Doggie to discriminate between her toys and baby’s toys (which requires prudent and dedicated training) or you replace them with ones that are unquestionably dog toys (i.e. hard plastic ones that squeak or toys designed to hold small bits of dog treats.)
Overall feels strongly about not throwing your dog in a kennel when you go into labor. Dogs suddenly uprooted, usually in the middle of the night amidst a flurry of activity, may become anxious or fearful. “The pet can learn to associate the advent of this fear and anxiety with the advent of the new arrival,” says Overall. Make arrangements to have Doggie cared for, by someone she knows, at home, where she is most comfortable. I’m happy to report that I got this one right! I arranged months in advance for our dog sitter to be “on call” for the two weeks prior to my due date, and called her neurotically to remind her every three weeks or so.
The actual “Murphy-baby, baby-Murphy” introductions didn’t go so smoothly I’m afraid. I read books and pamphlets about how to handle it and had long conversations with Murph’s vet, but I never expected to have a c-section and that changed every-thing. I thought I’d stroll in sans baby, greet Murphy, show off my new slim physique, then plop on the couch with Murph in my lap and wait patiently for the doorbell to ring. Ding dong! I’d pretend to be surprised by the unexpected guest, run to the door, then calmly, no— nonchalantly— saunter back into the family room, baby-in-hand, as if bringing in an order of Chinese take-out.
None of the above occurred. The pain and stitches from my c-section made it impossible for me to bend down and pet Murphy let alone pick her up. I was relatively out of it from the pain killers and the sudden shock of being a mother that I found it hard to remember the dog’s name. Sweet-Pea was crying the last two nerve-racking miles of our journey home. She was hungry, or wet, or in pain, or cold, or hot…we didn’t know; we’ve never had a baby before.
So, Murphy (my first baby) took a backseat to all that was happening around her and us (her two favorite people in the whole world), and she’s been a wreck ever since. I did Murphy, my trusted friend and companion, the one who loves me no matter what my hair looks like, how my breath smells, or whether or not my complexion is blemish-free, a terrible disservice.
If I could do it over I would. I’d bone-up by reading both Wombacher’s and Overall’s books, and truly invest the time and commitment necessary to make sure Murphy was prepared for her new role as “the big sister.” I’d do everything possible to avoid such a “ruff” transition.
Prepping Your Pooch
Here is a brief summary of Mike Wombacher’s approach:
1. Introduce as many changes as possible to your dog’s routine before the baby is born, and have those changes mirror those that will occur once the baby comes home.
2. If your dog is possessive over objects, teach her to differentiate between her toys and baby’s toys or substitute Doggie’s toyswith ones that won’t cause confusion.
3. Create zones that Doggie is not permitted to enter without your permission. Make sure Doggie is taught to act appropriately within these zones.
4.Train your dog to walk next to a stroller without pulling or lunging by teaching her to maintain a position inside an imaginary box next to it.
5. Buy a baby-sized doll that you can carry around until the real one comes so Doggie gets used to seeing you with a bundle in your arms. Condition your dog to behave properly around the “bundle.”
6. In your ninth month, begin tapering off the amount of attention you give Doggie so she doesn’t go into shock once Sweet- Pea is born. DO NOT indulge your furry-friend for one last hurrah. You will cause her to have an emotional breakdown and the damage can be irreversible.
7. Let someone else carry baby when you come home from the hospital. Take a few moments to greet Dogsie and shower her with praise and affection. Then, hold baby in your arms and let Doggie sniff her. Be matter of fact about it then go about your day.
8. DO NOT make Doggie feel as though she has to compete with Sweet-Pea for your attention.
9. Teach your dog to associate your child with your authority. This will provide an added level of respect to their relationship.
Here is a brief summary of Karen L. Overall’s approach:
- Get Doggie used to a new schedule prior to baby’s arrival. Once baby comes home, spend special time with Doggie in front of baby that does not actively include baby.
- Start your dog on a new walk-schedule that can be maintained with a baby. Teach Doggie to walk in a controlled fashion on a leash so she can be included on stroller outings, and baby can be included on dog walks.
- Allow your pooch to explore the baby’s room and diaper changing area before baby arrives. This will introduce her to many of the new smells she will encounter.
- Have someone bring home things the baby wore after her birth. Let Doggie sniff them, then leave them around the house so she gets used to them.
- When you come home from the hospital, greet your pet with an abundance of love and affection first then, have someone else bring baby into the house.
- Introduce Doggie to baby by having the person who carried baby in sit on a couch while holding baby. You control your dog while she gently sniffs the new-comer. Praise and rub her as she does this to reinforce this positive behavior and alleviate any anxiety your dog may be feeling.
- Until Doggie has adjusted to the new family member, she should be restrained or confined when the infant is present. Especially if only one parent is at home.
- Once your dog proves herself, she can be unleashed when the baby is around, but must ALWAYS be mon-itored. Dogs respond by instinct; it takes one second for something terrible to happen. One spouse should tend to the dog while the other tends to the baby and these jobs should alternate so your dog learns to associate these tasks with both parents.
- When dog and baby are suitably socialized, dog can accompany mommy and baby around the house for everyday chores. This will facilitate future interactions between the dog and baby.
10. NEVER, EVER let your dog (or any pet) sleep unattended in the room with your infant. Period.
- Teach your child pet-appropriate behavior. Teach her to respect and love your dog, and treat her with gentleness and kindness.
DID YOU KNOW…
- That according to Overall, there is a well-documented link between animal abuse and child abuse? Children who abuse animals willi grow up to abuse other individuals as well as their own children, and many children who are abused will in turn abuse pets and other animals.
- That studies conducted by the Journal of the American Medical Association and supported by the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease (NIAID) show that children raised in a house with two or more dogs or cats between birth and their first birthday may be less likely to develop allergic diseases as compared with children raised without pets? High pet exposure early in life appears to protect against both pet allergy and other types of common allergies such as dust mites, ragweed, and grass.
- That you can find information about the relationship between kids and dogs on the following web site: www.canismajor.com?
Two articles in particular, Kids and Dogs: A common Sense Approach and Kids and Dogs: Safety First (kid-proof your dogs; dog proof your kids) both provide lots of great information and safety tips regarding potentially dangerous behavior between pets and older kids.
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