Every modern cat knows that beauty is NOT just fur-deep: it’s imperative – to look good is to feel good!
But it’s not easy to keep a trim figure when you’re caught up in the hurly burly pace of feline life. With your current commitments to long daily naps, how are you going to find the time to embark on a rigorous fitness regime? And as for regular dieting – the very thought of giving up those extra servings of canned turkey and liver casserole probably makes you feel weak with hunger.
No, the modern feline who wants to be admired for her exquisite bone structure rather than her extreme fluffiness needs some instant solutions to eliminate those extra pounds of “fur.” You need a weight loss plan that delivers instant results with zero commitment. So each of the following techniques allows maximum return for minimum investment.
You don’t need to apply them regularly, or in any particular order.
Perform each technique if or when you feel like it. And if you don’t EVER feel like it, give yourself a good wash, and remember that chances are you’re already devastatingly attractive – “too furry” or not.
1 Sleep your way to skinny.
Making a minor change to your habitual sleeping position can create an alluring optical illusion. By curling up into a ball, you make yourself look even more “round.” So get into the habit of sleeping stretched out, front and back legs fully extended. Your body has just become long and thin – you look pounds lighter!
2 Accessories maketh the cat.
Pester your human until she buys you some new, dangling collar jewelry. You want something long, to draw the eye in a downward direction, and elongate your silhouette. Experiment with any pendants or long earrings you can find on your human’s dressing table to see what might suit you best.
3 Reduce your rodent intake.
Cut down on between-meal snacking, by hunting less often. This lifestyle change will free up some precious time, and allow you to devote more hours to your busy sleeping schedule.
4 Exercise your imagination.
Stop terrorizing the new cat next door by stealing his dinner. Try inventing new, imaginative ways of asserting your dominance that don’t include food. Spraying on a rival’s territory, for example, is a timeless classic that doesn’t involve extra calories.
5 Increase your activity by 1%.
Burn off some of that extra “fur” by becoming more active. Force yourself to wake up at least twice a day, stretch, and change your sleeping position. It’s hard work, but well worth the effort.
6 Use visualization to create your new reality.
This is a powerful technique which requires to you create vivid mental images of the new slimmer you.
It takes hours of intense concentration, and your eyes must be closed the entire time. It’s best to find a private visualization place where you wont be disturbed – or suspected of merely sleeping the day away.
7 Use your human to make exercise more fun.
Embark on a home exercise plan based on spontaneous and unpredictable bursts of energy. Launch into frantic circuit of the apartment without warning, or leap into the air in pursuit of imaginary insects. You’ll find that as your human becomes increasingly nervous, exercise becomes a source of amusement instead of boredom.
8 Scout new sleeping locations.
Rather than automatically passing out across the sofa or on your human’s pillow, put some thought into you choice of sleeping place. Explore the apartment, checking for the best sites. By the time you’ve kneaded and sniffed a new armchair, a visiting human’s lap, and thoroughly burrowed through the basket of clean laundry, you’ll have burned so many calories that you will have earned a quick recovery nap.
9 Get in touch with your inner cat.
Cultivate a richer spiritual life to take your mind off your rumbling stomach. When was the last time you pondered the meaning of your nine lives? Where do you want to be sleeping in five years? What do you consider your main strengths and most beautiful body part?
10 Expand your range of interests.
Take up a new hobby to fill in the time you would normally spend looking hopefully at your empty dish, and wondering if it’s dinner time yet. Polish up your fighting skills with the local toms; find the most annoying place in the house to leave rodents, or stage some highly entertaining surprise attacks on your most highly strung human.
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