A Young Canine Addition to The Family Who Stands on Four Paws
Written by Jonathan I. Lynne
I have never regretted that my lone sibling is just a sister three years my junior. Elizabeth and I have a great relationship. From when we were kids, we were always close while never really getting in each other’s way, to this very day.
Still, it is every red-blooded American boy’s dream to have a brother. No matter if he is older or younger, just another meathead around the house who shares your basic need to eat badly, couch potato-it-up, and occasionally chase after a ball of one kind or another. But, alas for me, it was not meant to be.
And then nine years ago, a tiny and skittish (actually, totally freaked out) bundle of dachshund arrived from Virginia. Mom and Dad had finally given me a baby brother: Stretch Nathan Lynne.
Stretch gives familial affection to precisely four people: my parents, sister, and myself. Tolerance is reserved for in-laws, other relatives and close friends, all of whom Stretch has had an opportunity to vent. He is also amenable to bribery. Other than these select people, Stretch isn’t interested and wants you out of his house. He may be anti-social, but I personally appreciate his very discriminating and focused love. A little possessive streak on my part, I suppose.
Stretchie, a hazard of a breed, has been through a bit of a ringer over the years too. You take the bad with the good, I guess. We have had a couple of nasty scares with Stretch’s back: a spinal disk disease causing great pain for the poor guy and uncontrollable heartache for the rest of the family. Yet, after two invasive surgeries that left him temporarily paralyzed and permanently gimpy, he’s still as game as can be. Stretch is true to his breed’s motto, “Hearty and Tireless,” and a genuine Lynne. After which, we have become one of THOSE dog families. I mean, intellectually, we know he is a canine, and in conventional terms, the family pet. Actually, I’m not sure we know that at all, we’re pretty sure that he’ll be the first dog to talk. I guess it’s akin to having a dim child who tries so very hard that you convince yourself that he will grow up to be president one day. (* Author’s Note: No member of the Lynne Family, immediate or extended, thinks Stretch Nathan Lynne will ever be president…of anything*).
Today, at the age of thirty-four, I am an entertainment and technology professional who is fortuitously blessed with a modest Peter Pan complex, making me both busy and immature enough to have difficulty maintaining girlfriends… and pets. Consequently, my favorite dose of Never-neverland is when my folks travel someplace where Stretch is not welcome, providing me with a nice fix of dog ownership and a chance to spoil my little brother.
During these sleepover weekends, we have a set of standing house rules that accommodate both of us nicely. Stretch gets a full third portion of any food consumed in the apartment. We have a further understanding that during these visits, I leave my home as little as possible (he’s not comfortable with solitude) and order in steaks, sausage heroes and chicken wings. Stretch and I would greatly appreciate it if you do not mention this to Mom since all you will be doing is getting me busted and depriving a cute little bottomless pit of tasty vittles. Anyway, in exchange for the aforementioned beanies, Stretch agrees to make his morning walk (6:15AM, mind you) really short, and retire right back to bed for at least two more hours. It is an equitable deal, in my book, and a nice example of brotherly cooperation.
Beyond that, he is really good company, from a male point-of-view. He has an odd enthusiasm for sports commentary John Madden’s voice is like catnip for him) and he seems to make me considerably more flirt-worthy. The pooch-as-wingman thing is an unimpeachable fact.
Seriously, having Stretch around the house is a great change of pace and he kind of helps me put things in perspective. When you are a young and semi self-obsessed urbanite, it is nice to have to take care of something other than yourself, especially if it is on a temporary and voluntary basis. I am indeed fortunate that while it would be pretty unfair to have a dog of my own, every once in a while, Stretch and I get to have our little quality time.
After the weekend is over and Stretch is back with the parents, I go back to my normal routine of getting busy again, distracted by my life, work, and other stuff. After a few days, it gets lonely in the apartment. I almost miss the 6:00AM wake-up. And sadly, I may go for a while without seeing the little man. Then, a few weeks later, I’ll go over to my folk’s place for dinner, open the door, and a tiny critter will come bounding at me, virtually bowling me over like Dino greeting Fred. That is the best hello there is. when it hits me: it is great having a little brother. And that’s when it hits me: it is great having a little brother.
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