I think you’re cute. I am sorry to be so blunt. I am typically not this outgoing. Either way, if you’re interested, I’m a three-year-old English Bulldog named Winston. I’m medium-sized with a smooth coat. Unlike what most people think, I don’t drool—only for you, Lucky. I am very loyal, and I snore just a bit. The only demand that I make is that you look me up sometime if you get the chance. I live about a three-and-a-half hour drive from the city. Love, yours truly.
—Winston, Towanda, PA
Dear Sir Winston,
I’m flattered, but truth be told, I have a number of admirers. I’m a popular gal you know. But, I will admit that I have not found my dog mate and I’m still on the hunt for puppy love. I suppose I can keep an open mind, but I’m just not sure if we have a good chance. First of all, I don’t think we are compatible physically – after all, I’m a little Maltese and you are a comparably big Bulldog. Secondly, I don’t think I’ll be in Towanda anytime soon. But, don’t lose hope. If you are ever in New York, look me up. You know my name and my number. If you play your cards right and my owner approves, maybe we’ll have a future play date.
If you are a doggie with a dilemma or a kitty with a catastrophe and need advice, write to lucky at firstname.lastname@example.org.