Ever since the ice age, men have struggled to uncover successful techniques to attract appealing females. But, our little slobbering friends may just be the ticket to entering the realm of “ladies’ man.” We have seen men win the desire of young women through their dogs in movies such as Boomerang and The Truth about Cats and Dogs. I have also experienced this phenomenon first hand with my dog, Gus.
Although my mother would lead you to believe I am extremely handsome, I would have to say I am a fairly average-looking male. But put a nine-week-old Golden Retriever in my arms, and I’m Brad Pitt.
The first time I walked outside with Gus, it was like a dream sequence from a movie; hundreds of beautiful ladies appeared out of nowhere, each one with a look of complete hunger for love in their eyes. At that point, I realized Gus was a female magnet. And being the owner of Gus, I got to reap all the benefits of his ability to make women swoon. I may not have dashing good looks, money, or fame, but I got a puppy, and therefore, I’m desirable.
However, this paradise exploitation relationship between a dog and his owner can only last so long. After a couple years of solid brain development, your little K-9 friend becomes wise to the creative use of its puppy-dog eyes. At this time, you must have a talk with your dog and try to work out a reward program, possibly in which Scooby snacks will be given in exchange for help with women. If you fail to address this issue, your dog can see to it that you never have an enjoyable date again.
You may wonder how your dog can do this? Well, your dog can very easily sabotage any chance you have of pursuing a relationship with a woman, which makes the first meeting between your date and your dog a significantly important event. In my experience, I have discovered two different techniques dogs may use to disrupt your relations with the opposite sex.
The first is the “look at what an unfit mate you are” technique. With this approach, your dog will try to “show you up,” so to speak, in front of your date with skills such as running full speed to the door when she arrives, and overshadowing your excitement level by jumping turbulently when she enters the room. This technique will make you seem lethargic and uninterested in the eyes of your date. To combat this line of attack, I would suggest trying to find an alternate route to the front door that will allow you to beat your dog there. Also, you need to wildly throw yourself in the air when your date arrives. You must outmatch your dog’s excitement; it’s the only way to win!
The other approach your dog may employ is to make your date’s experience at your house so miserable that she will never even consider seeing you again. He may steal her shoes, not let her sit on the couch, or even bite her to make her feel uninvited. But, because your dog is your best friend, he is held to a high standard. If he is not, your date will be running to the door faster than your dog did when she first arrived.
So, it’s true – a new puppy will increase your attractiveness level by an unimaginable amount. But, as your puppy becomes a dog, it will expect compensation for helping you in your pursuit for love. Why should you comply with your dogs wishes? Because, your dog holds your romantic future in his hands…ahem, paws.